Saving Our Bacon

I´m no expert but there are certain things you don´t want to hear from your guide in the jungle – for example ‘uh oh…can you climb trees?‘ (as he draws his machete)…

Our morning trek had started well enough – we´d spotted a couple of macaws, a capybara and were well on the way to finding a monkey or two. Tracking a few wild pigs seemed like a good plan until we found them…around 200 of them, storming across the path in front of us! The noise was incredible – no oinking here, more like wretching, growling and squealing… and the smell was the kind that catches in your throat and makes your eyes water. ‘Are they dangerous?’ I ask. ‘Can be’, comes the reply, as one of the rougher looking beasts catches sight of us.

I glance around desperately for a suitable tree to climb – there are none with branches anywhere near ground level and we´d been warned against touching them in case we made contact with a poisonous frog, spider, caterpillar etc. Meanwhile our guide is locked in a staring contest with a real life Orc.

The seconds pass like minutes, our guide lights a cigarette, apparently they don´t like the smell…or maybe to calm his nerves? Or mine? Then he waves his machete, growls and shouts…and the alpha male stuff seems to do the job. The pigs break into a stampede, fortunately not in our direction and we´re able to pass into safety.

‘Hmmm…lot of pigs’, he observes casually, as I try to stop shaking.

And if you want to know what 200 wild pigs sound like, we spotted them again (from a safer distance), the following day…

PS Other things you don´t want to hear from a jungle guide include ‘Sh*t! A Snake!‘ and ‘Hold this (machete) and wait here!’ although that has its advantages…

2 Comments to “Saving Our Bacon”

  • Remind me never to tussle with you daughter in law, not when you can look this fierce! This is all a bit reminiscent of Lord of the Flies…….

    • Don’t fancy my chances against a jaguar though. Thankfully didn’t encounter any danger while our guide was answering the call of nature!